One of those posts, where i almost don’t know where it will take me, i just wanted to write something about isolation and loneliness.
I don’t do loneliness very well or isolation for that matter but since i departed my job a couple of months back, i have plunged into a more isolated world that i am finding harder and harder to deal with.
I have tried to maintain a structure to my days, wake up with the alarm, eat breakfast, job search, reply to emails , more job searching, feed myself (when i can be bothered etc) but whilst the world goes on around you, friends are busy at work (and you don’t want to hassle them), the isolation grows whilst you can’t find work and it is difficult.
I miss the laughs in the office, the smiles, the odd word of praise (not from my bosses mind – that didn’t happen!) but above all i miss friends, company, interaction and whilst my search for a suitable job goes on , the feeling of isolation gets worse and worse, the feeling of being down grows and your anxiety eats away at you.
I even feel isolated in the way certain companies treat job applicants (even mental health charities who i have applied for work with). No response even after closing dates for jobs pass by just make you feel even more isolated and worthless, that a company is too busy even to acknowledge you.. as i say the world carries on and your part in it just feels smaller and smaller..
Friends of course try and support me, inviting me for lunch, saying the right things etc but it’s hard to really feel part of it. I guess i didn’t realise how much my job and the people who surrounded me everyday defined my life, gave me a purpose and a reason for being…
Isolation eats away at you, makes you question yourself and your value and makes the anxiety that put you in this position in the first place grow and grow.
I also feel like i am letting others down, by not saying ‘ i have a job’ when they walk through the door at night, perhaps i am being too hard on myself, i don’t know anymore… one worry leads to another etc etc
Part of the reason, i started this blog really is too allow me to unload what is in my brain onto the page, i have no idea if anyone relates or not, i guess it just helps me to think it aloud…
I am waiting on a couple more job applications and for companies to come back to me, here’s hoping this week is one that changes my direction and makes me feel more positive.
I have a lot to offer i still think, i just don’t have anyone to offer it too at the moment.
I also find this article on the same subject quite interesting